Laid Off-Day 2

Today is a good day! In 24 hours I have connected with over 10 people with legitimate job openings! Some of these people were in my network before the layoff, and some others have joined my network since I posted on LinkedIn yesterday. I’m still sitting in such a major energy of gratitude.

Today my plan for the day was to hang out with the kids and binge watch Harry Potter which obviously is a great time. I woke up with a bit of a headache that doesn’t want to go away, but I can imagine the emotional roller coaster from yesterday is to blame. In spite of the headache, it feels good to just be a mom and only a mom for a bit. We have no agenda for the day outside of regular life stuff. That feels good. I am learning that I definitely enjoy freedom.

I think I have more clarity on what my plan will be going forward although with my energy we all know that could shift and change with the wind. My plans are always fluid because of the magic of neurodiversity. I will continue to focus on self-care and really spend some quality time and energy with my dissertation research while I have some down time. It doesn’t look like I’ll be out of work for that long which is so exciting.

I have identified a dream company which is so insane. The ‘imposter syndrome’ kicked in a bit, but I figure I’d go for it. I would tell any client, friend, family member or even stranger to shoot for the stars and have faith in themselves. I’m going to take a bit of my own advice and go for it. My kids are super excited for whatever is coming next and I am so thankful to have them. Even the baby gave me extra cuddles throughout the day. I’m confident that my energy shouted “give me some love because I’m trying to keep it together” and babies just get it. Yet another thing to be thankful for-my amazing magical kids.

I also can’t help but think about the ‘survivors’ of the layoff. I experienced survivors remorse in the past and that is a crappy space to be in also. You want to feel the sigh of relief that you’re safe, but also want to grieve for your co-workers that were let go. You want to empathize with them but know you can’t and don’t even know how to reach out. You feel guilty for being selected to stay, and even more guilty for staying. But staying also is scary because you’re unsure if your job could be gone at any time. I only hope those survivors know that there are no hard feelings coming from me at least. It’s tough so sending out love and light those survivors as well.

That realization made me think about the reality of work. We look for safety in the workplace. The reality is that safety is an illusion that alludes to a concept that likely heals some sort of childhood trauma. I can say that I look for safety and stability in work because I saw my mom struggle as a kid. I realized today that true stability can’t be achieved based upon financial factors. I realized that financial safety and stability has to be tied to my lifestyle in order for me to have any control over it. As I typed that I realized that it was tied to a lack mindset. Let’s try this again. In order to have financial stability and safety, I have to get more comfortable with the realization that abundance is an infinite resource that not only doesn’t run out, but is attracted to me no matter my ‘work’ situation. (That feels much better.)

I think I have found a sense of purpose in sharing my experience with the hopes that maybe it will help others. I’m not sure if it will actually help, but I like to think that it will-it helps me feel better about it all. Having a sense of purpose helps me cope. Thanks for letting me vent and sharing space to uncover all of the feelings.

I appreciate you all.

In love and light……